You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
