that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
