I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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