That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
