you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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