Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
