Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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