I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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