Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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