Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
