Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
