I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm passing your future prison.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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