How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
