Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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