I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
