waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
