Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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