you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
