You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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