I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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