Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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