Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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