Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
