Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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