Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.