Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles