I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.