I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough