someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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