My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
