Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
