if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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