3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize