I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
