If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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