Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
