I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
