1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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