We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
