i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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