you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
People in love make me want to vomit
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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