Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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