I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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