i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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