Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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