i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
