There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
