Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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