I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
