I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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