Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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