the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
