The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
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If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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