I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Say something about gay babies.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
