thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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