Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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