Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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