Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We smell like vodka and hangover
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