bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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