so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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