hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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