It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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