sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize