She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
