new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did i walk over a car last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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